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October 2017: Favorite Halloween Rarities
Halloween is possibly my favorite holiday, yet I never seem to have enough time to consume all the vintage nostalgia (cult films, TV specials, sitcom episodes, and other ephemera) that makes it so creepily delightful.Here are 8 selections (with YouTube links) that I make a point to watch every year, no exceptions:
"Addams Groove" (1991)
The Addams Family overcame many production problems (and the bankruptcy of its first distributor, Orion) before its release by Paramount on Thanksgiving 1991. The film was an instant smash, thanks largely to its sharp humor and inspired casting. But it was far from a sure thing, so the studio enlisted Hammer (fresh off his #1 hit "U Can't Touch This") for an end credits song and accompanying MTV video directed by future Blank Check auteur Rupert Wainwright.
"Addams Groove" is a staggeringly awful but amazingly catchy confection. It doesn't even attempt to match the creepy/kooky tone of its namesake film, yet its nonsensical chorus samples the original show's theme song: "They do what they wanna do / say what they wanna say / live how they wanna live / play how they wanna play / dance how they wanna dance / kick and they slap a friend" - what?!
The video is filled with outlandish imagery, most notably a crude CGI rendering of Hammer's severed head bouncing in time to the music. Even worse, the film's stars are featured in cameos that reek of contractual obligation. It's an astoundingly wrongheaded yet compulsively watchable experience that must be seen to be believed.
Bonus: if you obtain the VHS release of "Addams Groove" (which I highly recommend), it comes with a 30-minute making of documentary in which Hammer and the filmmakers appear to be taking their jobs VERY seriously. Just try to get it out of your head!
Detention (2012)
An expert post-modern stylist, Kahn effortlessly weaves together a jumble of influences. Self-referential slasher films like Scream, John Hughes misfit comedies, reality television, Freaky Friday, and "MMM-Bop" are mixed, then microwaved on the highest setting - the result is a singular horror movie that's really a satire that's really a heartfelt ode to '90s pop culture, produced a half-decade before the '90s actually became relevant again.
Kahn's ability to anticipate nostalgia-based trends serves him well in the music world, but it truly reaches another level in his features. You'll notice I haven't summarized the plot of Detention: all you need to know is that it includes a time-traveling bear and a Saw-like torture porn spoof called Cinderhella. Watch this and be amazed!
Disney's Halloween Treat (1982)
Both begin with the same jaunty theme song ("It's a scream!") set to one of Disney's first cartoons, the 1929 Silly Symphony "The Skeleton Dance." The animation is primitive but still infectious - from there, we get some genuinely disturbing early fare like "Donald Duck and the Gorilla" (1944) and "Pluto's Judgment Day" (1935), in which the lovable canine is sent to hell by a jury of demented cats.
The original Halloween Treat (broadcast many times on Disney and ABC over the years) was hosted by an animatronic talking pumpkin, but others (like the one released on a long out-of-print VHS) featured the Magic Mirror from Snow White. Tim Salmons provides a thorough summary of its many incarnations over at Blumhouse, but regardless of which one you choose, this is an evocative and surprisingly eerie mix tape that's a perfect fit for the fall season.
The contrasting plotlines are simple: Lindsay (Linda Cardellini) decides to hang with the freaks instead of indulging her mom's (Becky Ann Baker) yearly tradition of handing out candy in costume. Meanwhile, Sam (John Francis Daley) goes out trick-or-treating with the geeks, only to find himself literally egged by his older sister.
Baker is the secret MVP of this episode, and her gradual realization that both her children are outgrowing her is quietly shattering. But the show's focus, as always, is on the teens - which means Martin Starr's iconic line readings as Bill Haverchuck ("I'm not a girl! I'm a bionic woman!") and Samm Levine's Neal getting a little too comfortable in his Groucho Marx costume.
Deep down though, Freaks and Geeks recalls the Halloweens we've all had and probably forgotten about: those awkward middle years when we were too old to celebrate as children, but not adult enough to fully escape the nest.
Always in search of his next meal, the ever-resourceful Garfield recruits his canine sidekick Odie to go trick-or-treating, only to cross paths with a disfigured old man and a horde of ghost pirates (or is it pirate ghosts?). The thin plot begins aimlessly as Garfield and Odie try on costumes and fantasize about candy, then abruptly switches gears when the aforementioned ghost pirates/pirate ghosts reveal themselves at the climax.
Garfield's Halloween Adventure wouldn't be nearly as effective if it weren't for that somewhat jarring tonal shift. It's the kind of cartoon parents turn on before leaving the room, only find their youngsters properly traumatized when they return.
Halloween is Grinch Night (1977)
There's not a single mention of Halloween except the title, but Grinch Night is a clear stand-in: the Grinch's looming Paraphernalia Wagon, full of Seuss-ian spirits, monsters, and ghouls, is nearly unleashed upon Whoville in a straight up horrifying montage that will live forever in the nightmares of any child under 10.
Grinch Night obviously never attained the iconic status of its predecessor, but that's probably a good thing. It works best as a little-seen curio for unassuming viewers, who have no idea what they're getting into...
For those who aren't familiar with Lynde, he was an actor/comedian known for his simpering fatherly roles (Bye Bye Birdie, Bewitched) and lewd double entendres as the barely-closeted centerpiece of the raucous Hollywood Squares game show. This hour is a smorgasbord of tacky delights, including:
- Margaret Hamilton reprising her role as the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz
- Witchiepoo from the psychedelic children's show H.R. Pufnstuf
- Florence Henderson crooning a disco arrangement of "That Old Black Magic"
- Several flat comedy sketches that have absolutely nothing to do with Halloween
- a Donny and Marie Osmond cameo (why not?)
- not just one but several performances by KISS, in their prime yet stunningly out of place
And that's only a few of the surprises! The original master tape was lost until it was discovered and briefly preserved on DVD. Thankfully, this cavity-inducing treat is now viewable uncut on YouTube.
Punky's title character was a plucky orphan adopted by Henry Warnamont, a vaguely British retiree who'd recently lost his wife - because that's not weird at all! Over the course of its four seasons, Punky had more than its share of Very Special Episodes: I'm still freaked out by the CPR one, in which Punky's friend Cherie nearly suffocates from being trapped inside an abandoned refrigerator.
The two-part "Perils of Punky" is a WTF hellscape in which Punky and her pals wander off into a deserted cave while hiking. Inside they find cave drawings, Native American mysticism, giant spiders, gyrating skeletons, and a translucent demon with Freddy-like knives for hands. At one point (shown above) the spirit dismembers Punky's friends and uses their corpses to taunt her. Fun!
Well, that's my list... I'll be marathon-ing Halloween shows all weekend, so let me know if there are any I should add!